Title: Jonah Hex.
Rated: PG-13.
Director: Jimmy Hayward.
Screenplay: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor.
Story: William Farmer, Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor.
Release Date: 2010.
Runtime: 81 min.
Genre(s): Action, Drama, Fantasy.
Cast: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, and many more!
Budget: $47,000,000.
Opening Weekend USA: $5,379,365.
Gross USA: $10,547,117.
My Overall Rating:★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ (2/10).
If vengeance had a face, it would probably have Jonah Hex’s. Or The Punisher. After all, the scar on this dude’s face is not exactly pretty. Created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga, Jonah Hex is a quiet, mean, and scary bounty hunter who hides a hero blanketed under all the bad reputation he’s garnered in his horse-riding days. Unfortunately for him, a live-action movie adaptation tarnished his name for good until actor Johnathon Schaech took on the role in the small-scale Arrowverse and allowed the character to have some breathing room before he could’ve fallen off the DC Comics radar. But what happened exactly to Josh Brolin’s Jonah Hex? I’ll tell you what happens. Pure sacrilege. Perfect massacre. Pitiful annihilation.
What is Jonah Hex about? Having lost his wife and son to the hands of the terrorist Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) and his enforcer Burke (Michael Fassbender), Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) is left to die with Turnbull’s initials scarred into his face. He then finds himself coming back from a near-death experience—saved by mysterious Native Americans—with mystical powers to temporarily resurrect the dead and an incredible thirst for vengeance. Once a Confederate cavalryman, he now spends his days as a careless bounty hunter who occasionally visits Lilah (Megan Fox), a prostitute looking to earn a living. But when the government needs Jonah Hex on their side, he’s given the one and only chance to get the revenge he’s always sought.
If you thought blending a western with science-fiction and fantasy was impossible, allow this movie to be your greatest argument. This disaster has no pity in bringing fans the comic book character adaptation that they never asked for and to make sure they gave Josh Brolin no wiggle room to save this story from becoming one of the greatest cinematic jokes to ever being released. It having more plot holes than an irrelevant bounty gunned down by a Gatling gun is the least of its worries. Who cares if we don’t know why a comic book character who never had superpowers is now a lame necromancer with near-perfect marksmanship? Who cares if the love interest is only there to show-off her rack and doesn’t even bother explaining her relationship with the protagonist? Who cares if the villain has eyes for a weapon of mass destruction that makes no sense?
Let there also be an unusual and poorly-animated sequence to kick off the movie—animation that never sneaks back into the cinematography ever again—and falsely remind us that this is just a comic book adaptation when it’s actually an attempt to disgracefully destroy a character with not the slightest care for its reputation. Why worry about plot or dialogue if you can also spit on those as you deliver some of the most boring action sequences that a gunslinger could offer? To bombastically present these fights by continuously alternating camera angles and triggering nausea in viewers is simply a sign of poor direction and lack of creativity.
Before he embarks on an adventure to snap half the universe out of existence as Thanos, actor Josh Brolin also had no chance to save this movie from the incredibly epic and critical commercial failure, instantly claiming a title for worse movie in the box office upon release. Even the talented Michael Fassbender renowned for his role as the villain Magneto in Fox’s X-Men universe was basically given a clean slate as Burke. He pulls off a psychopathic Irishman that unfortunately just reminds us of the movie’s inability to build anything around anyone as it cowardly runs in a straight line into the grave it dug itself from the get-go. And finally, leave it to John Malkovich’s character as the antagonist Quentin Turnbull to deliver one of the blandest and most unmemorable cardboard villains. I guess it’s safe to forget this movie’s existence in the end. Or just to remember not to waste your time with it.
Jonah Hex (2010) is a blatantly despicable dumpster fire set around an unfocused and incomprehensible vengeance-driven plot.
The live-action movie adaptation of the comic book character created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga was released on June 18th, 2010.
Have you read any Jonah Hex comics?
Have you seen Jonah Hex (2010)? Will you? What did you think about it?
Share your thoughts with me!
Roars and Echoes 
I’m with you. I never read any Jonah Hex comics, so I figured I could watch this movie and not be affected by any changes they’d make. Boy, was I wrong. This wasn’t just a bad comic book movie, this was simply a BAD movie. Not even Fox could save this for me 😦
What made you decide to give this a try?
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Exactly. Even those who had no clue that he was a DC antihero would find the character/the story trash…
There isn’t really any logic to which DC movie I review each month but, if any reason can be put forward, well, I own the bluray for this one hahah I think the next movie I’ll review in May will be just as bad this one. We’ll see what my rewatch of it will lead me to say. 😛
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oh boy….
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I completely missed that movie, and it seems I’m actually better off 🙂
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Absolutely. Unless you WANT to watch something bad, then this is a good candidate. 😀 It’s probably up there with Wild Wild West…
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Missed all of it. I am glad you suffered through this so much that I know i do not have too. Heres a hug mate…
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Hahaha I appreciate the support, Dawie. Avoid at all cost. 😀
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I’m not familiar with the comics. I’m not sure if I’ve seen the film. It does seem familiar, so I’ve either seen it or something very much like it that left me with the same impression you had. Either way, I’m not worried much about trying to remember more. 🙂
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Hahahah it’s unmemorable and should come with one of those Men in Black gadgets to erase it from our memories! I don’t know how this got green lit…
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Hahahaha great hateful review, Lashaan 😍 I’m surprised you gave this movie 2 stars, it sounds like it shouldn’t even deserve one! I’m certainly not going to watch this! 😂
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Hahaha thanks, Caroline! You can forget its existence immediately if you wish. One thing’s for sure. We won’t be rewatching it together unless I lose to a bet or something! 😛
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I remember going out of my way to ignore this movie when it first released. That was even around the time I enjoyed watching movies that are “so bad they’re good.” Everything I heard about this movie made it sound lame and pointless. Your review makes it sound even worse than that.
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I was just a teenager when this movie came out and the only attraction that can be associated to it by me or my friends was the presence of Megan Fox in it… I finally got around to seeing it for the first time and it is indeed something that everyone should ignore unless they’re looking for a trash movie to indulge..
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Aw, aw, aw, that hurt! And I don’t mean your review, Lashaan, but the movie, which was absolutely, devastatingly horrible. I felt bad for all those actors who had no clue what they were even doing there. A pity I haven’t read your review years back when I actually watched this travesty 😀
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Hahahahah I, for some reason, find it hilarious that the Great Ola actually got around to watch one of the worse movies in the industry! 😛 But you’re right. What a tragedy. It really surprises me that Brolin and Fassbender are actually in this one… Almost convinces me that this was what made them never return to DC superhero movies and that they probably never will? 😦
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We all bear the scars of our past decisions, and some are more visible than others 😜
For your information, I even watched Affleck as Daredevil, and Wild Wild West… I shudder still 🤣
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Oh boy. The next DC movie I got queued up for May will likely be another beautiful ultra-low rating review too. 😛 And I think it’ll be like… the third time I’ll have suffered through it in my life… Starting to wonder if I just like torturing myself. Then again, it’s sort of cathartic to destroy these things through reviews hahaha
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Lashaan, dear, do you want to tell me about your masochistic streak? 😜 But seriously, I can totally relate: I feel the only positive thing coming from certain reading and viewing experiences is the opportunity to write about them later on and discuss with like-minded people, thus ensuring a cathartic resolution to the trauma 😂😂😂
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Youch! I think Josh Brolin fealt that haha. I am of course aware of the notorious reputation of this film and despite being a fan of both comics (although I’ve never read any Jonah Hex) and Westerns I don’t ever plan to subject myself to it (despite it having eye candy value in the form of Megan Fox and the usually awesome Michael Fassbender in the mix as well).
Luckily Josh Brolin restored his reputation and regained his comic book film credentials with Cable and Thanos!
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Hahahaha I couldn’t recommend it to anyone either. I grew to despire Megan Fox’s acting skills (or lack of) through the past years too, making her looks even less likely to help me endure this… There were rumours at some point of a remake of this character for the DCEU but I imagine they won’t be going in that direction for the time being…
Yep. And shows that he clearly wasn’t inclined to trying anything else with DC after Jonah Hex hahahah
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Sounds like a complex dish gone wrong. You’re right. It was so unmemorable, I forgot I’ve seen this ages ago. However, I couldn’t give you a single scene I can remember.
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Being memorable definitely hints at a great movie too!
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