Title: Jonah Hex.
Director: Jimmy Hayward.
Screenplay: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor.
Story: William Farmer, Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor.
Release Date: 2010.
Runtime: 81 min.
Genre(s): Action, Drama, Fantasy.
Cast: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, and many more!
Opening Weekend USA: $5,379,365.
Gross USA: $10,547,117.
My Overall Rating:★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ (2/10).
If vengeance had a face, it would probably have Jonah Hex’s. Or The Punisher. After all, the scar on this dude’s face is not exactly pretty. Created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga, Jonah Hex is a quiet, mean, and scary bounty hunter who hides a hero blanketed under all the bad reputation he’s garnered in his horse-riding days. Unfortunately for him, a live-action movie adaptation tarnished his name for good until actor Johnathon Schaech took on the role in the small-scale Arrowverse and allowed the character to have some breathing room before he could’ve fallen off the DC Comics radar. But what happened exactly to Josh Brolin’s Jonah Hex? I’ll tell you what happens. Pure sacrilege. Perfect massacre. Pitiful annihilation.
What is Jonah Hex about? Having lost his wife and son to the hands of the terrorist Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) and his enforcer Burke (Michael Fassbender), Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) is left to die with Turnbull’s initials scarred into his face. He then finds himself coming back from a near-death experience—saved by mysterious Native Americans—with mystical powers to temporarily resurrect the dead and an incredible thirst for vengeance. Once a Confederate cavalryman, he now spends his days as a careless bounty hunter who occasionally visits Lilah (Megan Fox), a prostitute looking to earn a living. But when the government needs Jonah Hex on their side, he’s given the one and only chance to get the revenge he’s always sought.
If you thought blending a western with science-fiction and fantasy was impossible, allow this movie to be your greatest argument. This disaster has no pity in bringing fans the comic book character adaptation that they never asked for and to make sure they gave Josh Brolin no wiggle room to save this story from becoming one of the greatest cinematic jokes to ever being released. It having more plot holes than an irrelevant bounty gunned down by a Gatling gun is the least of its worries. Who cares if we don’t know why a comic book character who never had superpowers is now a lame necromancer with near-perfect marksmanship? Who cares if the love interest is only there to show-off her rack and doesn’t even bother explaining her relationship with the protagonist? Who cares if the villain has eyes for a weapon of mass destruction that makes no sense?
Let there also be an unusual and poorly-animated sequence to kick off the movie—animation that never sneaks back into the cinematography ever again—and falsely remind us that this is just a comic book adaptation when it’s actually an attempt to disgracefully destroy a character with not the slightest care for its reputation. Why worry about plot or dialogue if you can also spit on those as you deliver some of the most boring action sequences that a gunslinger could offer? To bombastically present these fights by continuously alternating camera angles and triggering nausea in viewers is simply a sign of poor direction and lack of creativity.
Before he embarks on an adventure to snap half the universe out of existence as Thanos, actor Josh Brolin also had no chance to save this movie from the incredibly epic and critical commercial failure, instantly claiming a title for worse movie in the box office upon release. Even the talented Michael Fassbender renowned for his role as the villain Magneto in Fox’s X-Men universe was basically given a clean slate as Burke. He pulls off a psychopathic Irishman that unfortunately just reminds us of the movie’s inability to build anything around anyone as it cowardly runs in a straight line into the grave it dug itself from the get-go. And finally, leave it to John Malkovich’s character as the antagonist Quentin Turnbull to deliver one of the blandest and most unmemorable cardboard villains. I guess it’s safe to forget this movie’s existence in the end. Or just to remember not to waste your time with it.
Jonah Hex (2010) is a blatantly despicable dumpster fire set around an unfocused and incomprehensible vengeance-driven plot.
The live-action movie adaptation of the comic book character created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga was released on June 18th, 2010.
Have you read any Jonah Hex comics?
Have you seen Jonah Hex (2010)? Will you? What did you think about it?
Share your thoughts with me!